How I Feel (Rated X)

***WARNING***

This is MY blog and therefore my personal thoughts and feelings go into it. I'm putting this disclaimer up because I don't know if family members or whatever have this address and will get an email that I posted a new blog; however if they do I want to warn them NOW. I am talking about sex and fantasies and whatnot which may include THEIR DAUGHTER if I'm correct, so they may not want to read any further. I'm in a writing mood today, so this will be very long and possibly descriptive, though I haven't decided that part yet.

  The love of my life for many years has decided that I am cheating on her. She constantly tells me "On your way to see your mistress?!" and the like, but I thought it was all in good fun. I was wrong. She actually believes I am cheating on her.

I do keep odd hours lately and I am constantly on the go, so I can understand why she would feel that way, but that's not something I could ever do to her. I had it happen to me and know how it feels and I know she's had it happen to her in the past so of course she's going to always think in the back of her mind that I will be like her other relationships before she met me. I mean; I'm not at home on the weekends very often as I'm out herping or hanging out with friends or whatever and she's always at home with the kid.

We have been married since April 22nd, 1998 so if I had planned to cheat on her it would have been WAAAAAAY before now. Isn't there the 7yr itch or whatever? I have never gotten it and really don't think I could. Sure she's gained weight through the years and has numerous medical issues, but that doesn't mean I want to just give up and go sleep with some other chick because she has less or no blubber as my wife puts it. 

I do look at videos and pictures online of sexual situations with younger, hotter girls in certain positions and fantasize, but get this: EVERY time I close my eyes and think of what I've seen I think of my wife and myself doing it and THAT is what gets me hot. THAT is what makes me want to whip out my member and masturbate, but I don't because I made a promise to her many years ago. I know her ex before me was the biggest scum of the earth and abused her and pretty much fucked her up for anybody in the future including myself, but I always try to show her that I am NOT that fuckhead Storm and NEVER will be. In fact I'd like to literally kill that son of a bitch for what he's done to her and spend the rest of my life in prison if that were the case, but I.... wait... damnit I'm going off on a tangent. Where was I?

Oh yeah... so I love my wife deeply and I'm still attracted to her after all of these years and I have NEVER cheated on her other than looking at pictures and videos on my computer or phone but that is IT. EVERY guy out there does it and I'm sure they do it a helluva lot more than I do. MOST guys take that information and go out and look for women that look like their fantasies, but I again close my eyes and vision her and I and it gets me hard every time. I so badly want to go into the bedroom most mornings and start diddling her awake enough for us to make love (see there I go again), but with the kid and her sleep schedule that's simply not possible. Shit.. time for a disclaimer since I'm writing a novel. I'll post it at the top. Okay, disclaimer posted.

I know she's always been concerned that I watch dirty videos of other women and she probably doesn't understand, but let's be honest. I'm not ALLOWED to see her naked. EVER. Everything we do is in the dark or through the light of our son's night monitor. She honestly believes if I see her naked I will be put off sex w/ her and go out and find it elsewhere but come on.. seriously? I like to see her when I'm going down on her and see her sticky fluids as my fingers pull out of her tight snatch, but I mostly just guess what it's like. A lot of it comes from videos I watch online of women masturbating until they cum. You can literally see white milky fluid come out of their pussies and THAT is what turns me on. I have prayed for years that she would do it, but she is not the masturbating type.. *shrug*

So back to mentioning her tight snatch: She is STILL tight after having our son and we fit each other perfectly. I don't know how well endowed I am, but she claims I am very large. If I am then I've never stretched her out bad enough that she's loose. If I'm small like I believe I am, then she is VERY tight. She was a little stretched after our son was born, but that didn't last long.. maybe a month? dunno...

Either way what I'm saying is that I love her deeply and don't think I'd ever cheat on her. Hypothetically speaking: Let's say some young petite girl over eighteen decided I was a catch for whatever reason and asked me to meet them for a nightcap (that's what it's called I believe?). Would I do it? Nope. Don't think I would. How do I know? Well lesse.. I've had numerous dreams in the past few months about scenarios like that and I always stop and go to my wife. If I can do it in a dream then I sure as hell can do it in real life.

I've had numerous dreams and fantasies of her and one of her friends (I'll keep which friend to myself) being with me at the same time, but that won't happen ever so that's also just a fantasy. I don't want her to become a lesbian or anything, but it would be a MAJOR turn on if she were to kiss another woman in front of me passionately and possibly go further or not. Doesn't matter. Just the kiss alone would kill me. I saw one of her friends kiss another girl right in front of me about a year ago and THAT was wow.... I can't get that vision out of my head even to this day. I think it's time for her to top it. ;-)

I don't know if she'll see this post or not, but it wouldn't surprise me if she has a notification thing as well. Anyway that's it for me today.

I've rambled long enough and it's 9:30 AM and I need to get some shutass soon, but first I have to get Kool-Aid Man on Family Guy: The Quest for Stuff. OH YEAH!